The title of this post describes what I have been feeling over the past few months. Despite more things going well than not around me, I’ve been experiencing a constant shift in my emotions throughout each day.
I could wake up one morning, pumped and ready to go to work, but halfway through the day some mild level of depression would creep up on me. Following that, past memories of events that made me sad or angry creep back up. And I could feel the emotions as if it was happening now. What’s worse is that my mind automatically started speculating what would happen if that event had continued or started worsening, then the corresponding emotions would come as well. Likewise, any present form of uncomfortable confrontation or abrasiveness towards me easily sets off my unstable emotions. When it happens, I have this feeling of just wanting to curl up inside a blanket and not look outside.
Simply put, I haven’t been emotionally healthy. It feels as if there is some kind of unexplained event happening, as if something or someone is telling me I need to take a break from all the activity that has gone on in the past few years.
I still can’t pinpoint what is causing this. Sometimes I think it’s a job that is no longer bringing personal satisfaction, but a part of me thinks it’s something much deeper than that. But I do acknowledge that I am suffering from this. I don’t want to think of it as a kind of disease, I know it can be fixed and I will fix it. So as I write this blog post, it’s really for me to let off some steam, and not a cry for help (but any comments or messages would be gratefully received). I’ve actually put forth a plan to get better at a meditation retreat. It’s something I have never done before, but my gut feeling tells me only good can come from it.